9yrold Daughter:
(with fire in her eyes)
"NO! And YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"
—And for the first time I looked at her and realized she was right.
I couldn't make her.
She was too big for time outs.
Was I going to spank her?
She might spank me back!
Yelling matches were just that.YELLING MATCHES.So now what?
I remembered my mom told me bout a parenting book she had read.
.Um... I didn't have a teenager...? But I read it anyway. I was hooked. Talk about something that really worked for us! I located every published book I could get my hands on or otherwise check out at the library.
The homework one
—and my favorite:
You know what they suggest? NOT paying your kids to do chores...!
Whaaa?! I know. I was all, HUH??
Instead. You choose a set amount, NOT too high... and you pay them the same amount every week. And at the same time you institute a chore plan. {These chores are not tied to the allowance. They get to do these chores just because they live in your house.}
Here's how chores works at our house:
Each child has 2 jobs {yes even the 4yrold} per day spelled out on a job chart. From unloading dishes to cleaning toilets to vacuuming the dining/kitchen area.
They just know: check the chart, do those chores. Every day.
That's it. Total leap of faith.
That was 2 years ago.
Wanna know how it's all going?
First a lil' snarky poll:
What's up with allowance at your house?
{Here's how allowance works at our house. They do not get paid for chores. They just get paid.}
Our plan was to pay them a weekly amount, enough that they could buy small treats for themselves, help buy gifts for friends, or even save up for larger items... and often we 'allow' them to pay for half of something big that they want... I love this because there have been times when they save for a while and then realize how much money the big ticket item is costing and decide they don't 'need' it after all!
But we only remember to pay out about every other week...still working on that...
We pay the 4yrold $1 a week.. he's actually happier with coins at this point, cuz he knows he can use them at the little vending machines that dole out MikeNIke candies!
We pay the 8yrold $3, and sometimes she makes additional cash when she 'helps' babysit.
We pay the 11yrold $5, and she also makes a whopping $2/hour for babysitting. But only when it's actual 'date time' for mom and dad.
Believe it or not, they pay some school expenses, they buy bday gifts for friends, and use their own money on trips for souvenir purchases etc.
18 comments:
I voted but the choice doesn't really fit what I do. I said I pay by the age and I sort of do but not really. There are certain chores that they must do. It's just part of living in my home, their home. They help to take care of it. Then there are extra things that I ask them to do and I pay for those. During the summer it's mowing or raking or moving gravel. The winter is usually snow removal. It's not a flat amount that is consistant because the payment is tied to work they do. Work above the general duties of life. Make sense? Probably not.
My boss hates Love and Logic, but I think it's effective as long as you have kids with normal behavior problems, like this. It doesn't work on kids who are oppositional defiant, etc.
SassyPants.. I get it. We work similarly, there are just jobs they GET to do for living here.. but others (like my jobs) I'll actually pay them extra for.. And babysitting of course :).
Kristinia.. I actually believe exactly what you are saying. This idea of letting kids 'fail' a little on their own, to then gain responsibility later.. only works on a kid who actually cares yes?? But believe me it works WONDERS on my kids so far.. the younger the better in my opinion! I'd love to hear how you deal with an oppositional def kid, cuz I have close friends with that issue??
I grew up never getting an allowance-neither did my husband. My kids are too young for it right now, but we never plan on giving them one. We did work out of respect for our parents. Plus, for me at least, it just made me feel good to make my parents happy-especially when I was able to help them with their chores.
man i am getting ripped off...all my beanies have to do is the dishes and their rooms....
I'd love to hear all about how your doing it with the kiddos especially the nine yr old Wyatt will be 7 this summer and our biggest is loss of electronic time that is our only barganing chip.
We were doing money based on age, but we have slacked on it lately because they were slacking. I did tell them this summer we will be back to hard core on the chores, and my son will be helping with the kiddos so I told him I would give him a bit more for the help
How can you leave me hanging like that. My husband feels the same way about paying for chores..now grr. I'm going to have to remember to come back to find out. ;-)
I have heard this concept before and think it is fabulous! Thanks for reminding me.
I pay a set amount each week. The girls are responsible for their rooms, swap off the following: cooking breakfast and washing breakfast dishes, vacuuming, folding clothes, washing the towels and jeans, emptying the washer/dryer. They both clean the whole bathroom (this happens when I'm mad and don't want to do it myself), toliet too (they gag the whole time) this is the one chore that earns them extra money.
They also work for me at the funeral home, odd jobs, filling up the tissues, vacuuming after funerals, removing flower trays, set up flowers, refill the card holders, etc. They are paid for this by the funeral home.
Since we started all this, they seem to be more proud of their work.
Rules? When grounded now allowance (MM went without an allowance for the last year for you know what). Also their money has to be spent wisely. No blowing it on candy and junk.
So far working pretty good.
Can you believe this is the day I actually check your blog (1st time in forever-at least tax season time) And you know my feelings on Love and Logic!!! We are doing the chorse/allowance and it is actually working some plus we stipulate how a portion should be handled some savings, tithes, etc. I love that when at the store and kids think they want something I can ask if they brought their money. They actually have the decision to spend or save and they have a fair amount saved!! Now could you just find me a Love and logic blog
Don't pay the traditional allowance. Was too much work to check and make sure everything got done.
There are jobs they have to do just as a member of our family.
Then there are extra jobs that I will pay for individually for pocket money.
Tammy and Parker
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But do they get their chores done? My daughter wants the allowance but doesn't want to do the chores. How do you enforce getting the chores done if they are not tied to getting paid?
I actually only give my son (5yrs) a dollar a week. We encourage him to pay tithe, and we don't make him pay taxes at the store. He can read on the box or the sticker that says "3.99" and he knows that means 4 green papers, not 4 green papers and some coins. lol... He has to save his money if he wants a specific toy (right now he's saving for Handy Manny and the Green Team dvd), or he can spend it on jelly beans and things, but he doesn't get toys. Any treats he wants, he pays for from his allowance. And he does have chores to do. He empties the trash and puts laundry away. As well as keeping his room clean, and making his bed. But these are things he is expected to do... not paid to do. However, he is given the option of paying me to do them for a week. I'm trying to teach him the value of savings, and of work. If I want someone else to clean the house, then I have to pay them. So the same for him. And he knows that if he wants to save faster, then he can ask to be paid to do an extra chore. A quarter per chore: sweeping the living room and under furniture, mopping the bathroom floor by hand (so it gets in the corners), cleaning the woodwork etc. But it has to be a helpful chore (not something I was going to do anyway). We've only been doing this for about a year, and it works really well with him. He likes doing chores, and doesn't complain anymore about having to. After all... he can pay me to do them for a week!
Lynn, I enforce it by, if he doesn't do it, he has to pay me to do it (which usually equates to having most of his allowance taken away, but it's HIS choice).
This was great. I like this approach. We always had chores that weren't tied to money when we were kids and I like that idea. And I guess my 4-year-old is old enough to start doing some stuff to help out. And I like the guidelines for money to give by age. A very helpful post.
I pay my 7-year old $2 a week just to show up and he makes a commission based on the extra chores he does. He has to do 2 chores a day for the whole week to earn that extra dollar so it very rarely happens lol.
He buys his own candy, toys, and school snacks now, and oh yeah, can trade in a dollar's worth of chores for an hour of video games since he barely gets to play them here! :)
I took the poll. I pay by age but he has 10 things he has to complete by the end of the week. If any chores are not complete or complete to my standards (not set too high he is only 11) then he gets deducted a dollar. Last week he only made $7.
He can earn extra by helping with other jobs around the house.
I was wondering if you, or anyone out there, had sample chore charts. We are in the process of adopting 2 kids and I am having a heck of a time coming up with creative way to track chores.
Thanks Heather
heyther046@yahoo.com
kendrickkorner@blogspot.com
I've found that the virtual chore chart works for me in terms of giving out allowance. I make the chore chart, then my kids earn points to "earn" their allowance. I use a site called Handipoints chore charts to make printables and it's really been fun so far!
What I can say is very nice and helpful as well as informative post...really help me very much more!! Thanks..
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